Saturday, January 18, 2014
Keeping Cool
Recently, I blew my
top! Everyone, including myself, was
taken aback by my behaviour. I was so angry that I wanted to smash the glass
bottle I was holding and walked out! I’m
now on a long break and supposedly, should be very relaxed, calm and happy. I guess so far, I’ve not been tested or being
pushed to such limit.
2. Two or more people (esp. persons whom you look after) or matters seeking my attention at the same time
3. Others’ (esp. person whom you look after) obstinate behaviour, constant nagging or reminders
4. Insufficient sleep/rest
2. Alter – attempt to change the situations. E.g. state limits in advance to avoid colleague’s non-stop chatter.
3. Adapt – change your standards or expectations.
(a) Adjust your standards. E.g. do you really need to vacuum twice a week?
(b) Stop negative thoughts immediately.
(c) Reframe/look at situation from a new and positive angle.
(d) Adopt a positive mantra. E.g. I can handle this!
(e) Look at the big picture. E.g. will this matter in a year? In 5 years?
4. Accept – accept things as they are.
(a) Share your feelings
(b) Forgive. It takes energy to be angry.
(c) Practise positive self-talk. E.g. Let’s try to make it work!
(d) Learn from mistakes.
My mother’s obstinacy
constantly irks me. My mother, among
other things, stubbornly works herself to exhaustion to ‘please’ her children
or to fulfil her ‘obligation’ in various rituals or worship. Instead of buying, she often braises 2-4 ducks
& chicken, wraps lots of zhongzi, makes numerous kueh and for CNY, even cracks
up to 4 kilograms of gingko nuts. As age
catches up with her, my siblings and I often advise her to simplify things. And
often, we get a good scolding or cold shoulder from her. After having stayed
out for more than 10 years, this is the 2nd time I stayed with my
parents for up to 2 months. This time, the
‘tension’ is higher with various CNY preparations.
A day or two after
my outburst, I watched a movie “After Shock 唐山大地震” – a moving story
about earthquake, human suffering, strength and courage one demonstrates in
face of extreme and devastating situations and most important of all, finding
forgiveness. It is also a timely reminder for me to “ask HOW not WHY” question. In
the movie, a son also faces an obstinate mother who refuses to move out of her
run-down house. Instead of asking WHY
(there may be reasons which only my mother or an obstinate person know in
his/her heart but may or may not articulate), let me ask HOW – how to handle my
mother, how to live with the situations best possible. My sister has a good advice - ‘when the food is being made, keep your mouth
shut and work on. It does not help to rationalise/question her behaviour at that
moment’ or ‘get out of the house’.
I'm sorry for my action. I know my mother was deeply hurt. I pray for strength and wisdom to keep my cool.
God, please grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.
I'm sorry for my action. I know my mother was deeply hurt. I pray for strength and wisdom to keep my cool.
God, please grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.
My list of Cool-breakers: Situations
which deplete my positive energy or give me negative energy and when I find it particularly
difficult to keep my cool:
1.
Others’
(esp. person whom you look after) constant moaning due to pain or discomfort2. Two or more people (esp. persons whom you look after) or matters seeking my attention at the same time
3. Others’ (esp. person whom you look after) obstinate behaviour, constant nagging or reminders
4. Insufficient sleep/rest
Keeping Your Cool (tips from Mayo Clinic) The four As to managing stress: Avoid, Alter, Adapt, Accept
1.
Avoid
– avoid the surroundings, persons, things that stress you. E.g. leave early to avoid the traffic jam, learn
to say no to request, remove the non-essential in your to-do list.2. Alter – attempt to change the situations. E.g. state limits in advance to avoid colleague’s non-stop chatter.
3. Adapt – change your standards or expectations.
(a) Adjust your standards. E.g. do you really need to vacuum twice a week?
(b) Stop negative thoughts immediately.
(c) Reframe/look at situation from a new and positive angle.
(d) Adopt a positive mantra. E.g. I can handle this!
(e) Look at the big picture. E.g. will this matter in a year? In 5 years?
4. Accept – accept things as they are.
(a) Share your feelings
(b) Forgive. It takes energy to be angry.
(c) Practise positive self-talk. E.g. Let’s try to make it work!
(d) Learn from mistakes.
# posted by Mae @ 12:09 AM 
